The cute hippie girl who works at your local organic grocery store is so disappointed in your masturbation habits. You don’t seem to understand that the world is teetering on the edge of complete ecological disaster, and YOU are part of the problem! Reusable shopping bags, pesticide-free vegetables, and metal straws aren’t going to stop climate change or mass extinction events. Stop wasting precious resources! Stop filling up the landfills with your cum rags! Sustainable jerking off is the only way to be a responsible man who cares about Step-Mother Earth. You have to recycle your cum, so eat it up.